


talking to the moon

by stardustbinnie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ):, Angst, Chan centric, Chan is mourning, ChanLix, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad, Song Based, Trigger Warning!, felix is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 01:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19801507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustbinnie/pseuds/stardustbinnie
Summary: This became a nightly routine...after the younger passed away. Every night after his passing Chan would just stare up into the sky and talk to the moon, apologizing and regretting that Felix died upset at Chan.





	talking to the moon

**Author's Note:**

> There is no graphic details of suicide!! It is just implied at the end.
> 
> This fic is based off of ‘Talking To The Moon’ by Bruno Mars
> 
> This song is interpreted in many ways but I decided to go with the theme of death bc angst

“Felix,” Chan sat on the ledge of his balcony looking up at the moon lit sky “I miss you, how are you?” He whispered into the sky hoping that Felix would be listening.

This became a nightly routine, after the younger passed away...every night after his passing Chan would just stare up into the sky and talk. He would talk to the moon, apologizing and regretting that Felix died upset at Chan. 

“Felix I know you’re somewhere out there, somewhere far away.” 

Chan looked at how the endless amount of stars twinkled in the night sky. They reminded Chan of Felix’s freckles. Freckles that Chan adored just because they were on his lover’s face. 

“Our neighbors think i’m crazy that I talk to the moon every night,” Chan laughed “but they don’t understand that you were all I had.” Chan looked up at the waning moon that reminded him of how Felix’s eyes looked whenever he laughed or smiled too hard.

“Do you remember Yung Mi-ajumma?” Chan questioned the moon as if there was another person listening “Ah...she’s been asking how I've been doing ever since you’ve been gone,” Chan looked down at the empty streets lit up by post lights “I told her about how I miss you so much and that every night I watch the sky at night and talk to you. When I told her that, she looked at me with such sad eyes.”

The night sky reminds Chan of Felix. Felix _loved_ to stargaze and admire the sky at night, he knew the names and images of every constellation in the sky. Whenever they were driving back home while it was nighttime Felix would put his head so close to the window like a little kid seeing an ice cream truck pass by and just gaze up at the stars. Whenever Felix saw a constellation he would announce which constellation it was and seemed to be so amazed by it.

“I think I’ve gone mad Felix, I want you back.” 

The moon and the stars in the night sky are also things that reminded him of Felix. Felix’s freckles were scattered on his face and surrounded his crescent shaped eyes, just like how the stars in the sky would accompany the moon. Felix eyes would get big and twinkle just like the northern star whenever he saw something he loved. When Felix smiled it shone bright and wide, it reminded him of a shooting star.

“Everybody misses you Felix, Jisung is _so_ sad. I think he’s afraid to talk to me now because he thinks it’s his fault that you died,” Chan explained “Hyunjin tells me that he listens to the voicemail you left him before you got into that accident every single day,” Chan felt his eyes start to water and his hands started to shake “I do the same.” Chan wiped his eyes and looked up to see a shooting star go by in the sky. Chan smiled at this.

Chan misses when he would wake up next to Felix who seemed to shine brighter than the sun in the morning, who seemed to have a smile on his face and laughing every hour of the day, who loved looking up at the stars and finding the images in the sky, who made sure to say good morning to their neighbor that treated the couple as if they were her own, who loved Chan no matter what, yet left the earth thinking about how Chan was mad at him.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” The blonde’s voice cracked at the end and he felt tears creep from his eyes but didn’t wipe them this time. He looked down and stared for a while “I’ll meet you soon.” Chan closed his eyes and the last thing he felt was the air around him rushing.

_I know you’re somewhere out there,_

_somewhere far away._

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to cry writing this, I hope you also cried. I also barely proofread this so i’m sorry if it stinks 😔  
> Follow me on twitter for kpop content ): @/spearbzz


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